


After

by Lastsyns



Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 06:08:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23846485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lastsyns/pseuds/Lastsyns
Summary: The Doctor sits alone in the TARDIS after the events of Journey's end and contemplates his friends.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 10





	After

The Doctor hated himself. He hated himself with every fiber of his being. He hated being a Time Lord with his long life and the ability to continue on in a new body. He hated his memory, that allowed him to remember everyone he had ever known and hurt. He hated the fact he didn't and couldn't sleep like every other creature in the universe and hide within his dreams. Most of all though, he hated his double hearts and the way they were both broken.

One by one the people he cared for most in the generation had left him. Jack had to return to Torchwood and Martha to UNIT. Mickey though had guessed his plans and decided to stay, too. He would never admit to Mickey that he was proud of the changes he made to his life. He never could believe that the strong man who stood in front of him that day was the same man he had met cowering behind Rose.

He had dropped Rose off on Pete's world and watched her kiss his meticrisis. The one that she deserved and it had nearly killed him to turn around an walk on to the TARDIS and leave her there, knowing he would never see her again. Never again would he hear her say Doctor, or smile at him. He would never get to hold her hand or kiss her head. He loved her with every ounce of his being but he was not the one who finally got to say it to her.

Donna his best friend in the universe, was now at home safe. But she didn't remember him and he would give anything to change that. She would go about her day and never know that she was on his mind. He had to take her memories in order to keep her alive and safe. Still, when he had stood in the kitchen and she had looked through him like a stranger, he had felt himself die a little. He hadn't known a friend like her in the longest time and he doubted he would ever meet one again.

Here he was over 900 years old and the only thing he wanted to do was to go home to the place he had always run from. Home to the bright orange sky beneath the twin suns. Walkthrough the deep red grass and find his mother, his wife, and his children and grandchildren all alive and waiting for him. He wanted to beg for their forgiveness and he just wanted to hold them all, one more time.

He sat there on the TARDIS floor slumped against one of its sides, the blood dripping down from his wrist. The TARDIS seemed so large and so empty when just a few hours ago, it had been full of life, and love, and laughter. He was alone in the universe and the only person he blamed was himself. At least he could rest in the knowledge, that he would never be able to hurt anyone again.


End file.
